Traditional roles

Its has become more common to see modern couples pay for most, if not all, of their own wedding expenses themselves, at times with some monetary help from their parents. Another trend is those couples whose parents are paying for the entire wedding will find the expenses are split up more evenly, instead of placing most of the financial responsibility on the bride's family.

Still, many couples wish to have an idea of what the traditional roles and wedding responsibilities are for members of their wedding party. The following is a summary of "customary" duties:

The Bride
•     Personal stationary (thank you notes, guest book)
•     Gifts for her attendants
•     Her own medical examination and blood tests (if required)
•     The groom’s gift and wedding band
•     Beauty appointments for bridal party and herself (hair salon, makeup, etc.)

The Bride's Family
•     Engagement party
•     Bridal dress, veil, going-away outfit
•     The reception and all professional services - catering, decorations, wedding cake, beverages, music tips and gratuities to staff, etc.
•     Ceremony arrangements, bouquets and corsages for the bridal party, etc
•     Bride’s dress, veil, accessories, and trousseau (for the honeymoon).
•     All wedding photos and video.
•     Wedding stationery: announcements, invitations and programmes
•     Day’s transportation for the bridal party
•     Music/soloist for church and reception
•     Rehearsal dinner (although the groom's family will sometimes offer to pay for this)

The Groom
•     His wedding attire
•     The bride's engagement ring, wedding band and gift
•     Gift's for his attendants
•     The marriage license
•     His medical examination and blood tests (if required)
•     The bridal bouquet and corsages for the mothers, grandmothers, boutonnieres for men (fathers, ushers, etc)
•     Accessories for his attendant's (ties, etc.), not including formal wear
•     Honeymoon: Groom and family pay for complete honeymoon.

The Groom's Family
•     Travelling expenses for themselves and the groom if needed
•     Groom and family pay for marriage license and officiant's fee.
•     The groom's outfit.
•     Wedding presents for the bride and groom (often a donation of money to help with expenses)
•     Their own wedding clothes
•     The rehearsal dinner (optional, as noted above) and beverages for the reception

Bridal Party
The Maid (Matron) of Honour
•     Pays for her wedding attire
•     Plans a shower/ bachelorette party for the bride or a party for the couple
•     Assists the bride on the wedding day
•     Is in charge of the guest book
•     Attends the wedding rehearsal
•     Signs the wedding certificate as a witness
•     Buys a wedding present for the couple
•     Makes sure the bride's going-away outfit is taken to the reception
•     Pays for her own travel and accommodations (if necessary)

The Best Man
•     Pays for his own wedding attire
•     Pays for his own travel and accommodations (if necessary)
•     Buys a gift for the wedding couple
•     Helps the groom with honeymoon arrangements
•     Decorates the car(s) (either with help from the groom or the groomsmen)
•     Makes sure the groom's going away outfit is taken to the reception
•     Attends the wedding rehearsal
•     Usually plans the bachelor party for the groom with the ushers and groomsmen

The Bridesmaids
•     Pay for their own wedding attire
•     Pay for their own travel and accommodations (if necessary)
•     Decorate for the reception and help to clean up afterward
•     Attend the wedding rehearsal
•     Gather up gifts and cards brought to the wedding and reception
•     Often, they plan a "bachelorette" party for the bride a week or two before the wedding
•     Either separately or as a group, buy a wedding gift for the couple

The Ushers
•     Pay for their own wedding attire
•     Pay for their own travel expenses and accommodations (if necessary)
•     Drive any guests that don't have transportation to the wedding and reception
•     Help to seat guests at the wedding
•     Either separately or as a group, buys a wedding gift for the couple

Flower Girl
•     Her parents pay for an appropriate outfit
•     Must attend the rehearsal
•     Walks in front of the bride in the processional
•     Walks behind the bride and groom in the recessional
•     Does not stand in the receiving line

Ring Bearer
•     Parent's pay for his wedding attire
•     Carries the ring(s) which are securely tied to a pillow (often, the best man will hold the real rings and two fake rings are placed on the pillow)
•     Attends the rehearsal
•     Proceeds the flower girl in the processional (or can walk with her)
•     Walks with the flower girl behind the bride and groom during the recessional
•     Does not stand in the receiving line

Other Traditional Elements
Most people dream of a fairly traditional wedding: the ladies in beautiful dresses, the men in tuxes, the bride walking down the aisle on her father's arm etc.  But with changing times fewer elements of life remain traditional, including the relationships that go into forming a meaningful wedding.  To make your wedding as memorable as possible traditional elements that matter to your families and modern ones that show your personality as spouses to be are usually the best way to go.

•         Giving the bride away. Traditionally the privilege of the father of the bride was delivering his daughter from his care into the care of her new husband. However, in situations where a father is deceased, estranged, or absent, another person can fulfil this function.  It could be a step-father, older brother, uncle, grandfather, or family friend.  Some families opt for a mother, step-mother, aunt, or grandmother.  In some instances Brides have elected to have both parents, or other relatives escort them.  Another alternative is for the bride simply to walk down the aisle unaccompanied, an independent woman who requires no escort.  

•         Attendants. The tradition states that the bride and groom each to have two or more attendants-men for the groom and ladies for the bride-whose role is to stand in support of the couple in this most significant moment.  But this custom assumes that women have exclusively female friends and men have exclusively male friends, and that isn't necessarily the case.  It might be very important for a bride to include her best guy-friend, or a groom to include the girl he grew up with. This begs the question of how these attendants will be dressed.  Keep it simple; if all the men are wearing tuxes, a male bride's attendant should also wear a tux, but with a tie and cummerbund or vest to match the bridesmaids. Female attendants of the groom can wear formal black dresses with accents that match the men's accent colours.  Another simpler and more accepted option is to switch sides for the day.  The Groom’s female friend may assist the Bride and the Bride’s male friend e invited to partake as a groomsman.

•         Witnesses.  Larger and more formal weddings may a junior bridesmaid. Contemporary roles suggest that, a younger sister or daughter who is still a minor will simply be called a bridesmaid, or even the maid of honour.  A younger brother, son, or stepson of the couple may be the best man, even if he isn't yet an adult.  This is perfectly acceptable except for one thing: the chief function of a maid of honour and best man is to sign the marriage license as legal witnesses to the marriage, and people under eighteen can't be legal witnesses.  Solution: keep the young attendants, and ask someone else in the wedding to sign the license. A parent or friend will suffice.

Traditional weddings can take place in non-traditional ways. If everyone keeps an open mind, non-traditional roles within a wedding party can make the day even more meaningful and memorable. 

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